Daddy Dan

The fashion ranks, ruled largely in part by cunning homosexuals, have historically fetishized the garments of the more widely popular heterosexual male.  Seen here in a classic white crewneck underneath a classic plaid shirt, underneath a classic leather jacket, Dan is a fashion Daddy archetype.  His take charge haircut paired with his jaw defining facial hair should be enough to send the daughters and sons of absentee fathers into a sort of oddly sexual throe.  Dan Conner is the man many girls and boys will spend their lives searching for.  We just want a hug.


Jackie’s Last Stand

Consider this the final and ultimate Jackie sweater.  Oversized, bright red, and emblazoned with a navajo print, let this cement Jackie Harris in the halls of trendsetters.  Many will follow in her wake, but none will surpass her.


Lazy in Leopard

Down in the dumps, Roseanne is self medicating with a convenience store’s worth of potato chips, cheese balls, doughnuts, and tabloid magazines.  With a baby for a hostage, this little love-in is a far cry from the hippy hopefests that this depressed dame grew up with.  There’s nothing like silk leopard pyjamas when you’re feeling down and downing litres of soda.  The sheets may be filled with crumbs, but it sure beats leaving the house!


Leather Mommy

Baby puke wipes right off of this leopard trimmed leather jacket, but what drew Roseanne to this particular item was the rebellious persona she can adopt while she wears it!  This biker chick will gladly drop her baby and punch you in the face if you dare mess with her baby or her ride.  No wonder the little Conner boy is wearing a puffy jacket, consider it padding for the eventual throw down!  


Seduction Junction

Not ready to be upstaged by her new furniture, Roseanne is upping the ante with this feather trimmed robe and silk negligee.  Hoping to rekindle her romance with an estranged Dan, this frothy little outfit is sure to send a sensual message.  Let’s hope the gentleman of the house can hold his horses till they make it to the bedroom-it would be a shame to ruin that new green velvet sofa.


Lounging Ladies

With nothing but time on their hands, Roseanne and Jackie are lapping up the leisurewear!  Jackie’s velour lounge suit is luxurious and versatile.  This look can take her from the couch to the limo to Rodbell’s department store all while keeping her comfortable and stylish!  With millions in the bank, Jackie’s only concern should be showing up the ladies at the cafeteria counter!


Tie-Dye Treat

Packing for a lovely weekend at Martha’s Vineyard always means reaching into the back of the closet for that perfectly faded tie-dyed tee!  As the scent of patchouli wafts from the threadbare psychedelia, Roseanne is taken back to that Grateful Dead concert where she lost her virginity on the grass, covered only by Dan’s tattered leather vest, ganja falling out of the pockets like confetti.     


British Invasion

It’s a fashion bash and two special guests have been flown in from across the pond!  Mademoiselles Monsoon and Stone are in America to hobnob with the social elite, but the scene quickly devolves into a water closet party as they teach the Yanks how to have a good time.  Looking every bit the lady, Roseanne has a hard time avoiding the paparazzi and is forced to work her angles for the press!


Joyful Jackie

At last, Jackie has found a man who can really turn her crank!  Prince Charming here has swept Ms. Harris off of her sneaker clad feet and dressed her to the nines for a night on the town in New York!  Complete with indigo fur and jewels, Jackie is looking every bit the Princess on her horse-drawn carriage ride through the city.  What a far cry from the hay rides of her youth!


Referee Jackie

Life is becoming more and more complicated for these ladies now that they’ve cashed in their novelty sized cheque!  Jackie has taken it upon herself to play referee, and at this very moment she’s advising Roseanne to take a giant step back and really think about whether or not they need three yachts.  This striped sweater is a most arresting choice, sure to get attention on and off the field.  With Jackie reigning as ref, those millions might last till the end of the month!